On my way to insanity.

So all last month and this month has been extremely crazy! Working all the time, falling behind in school BECAUSE of work, and dealing with my brothers crazy wedding. I just can not wait to have it all over with! I am still waiting on my recommendations for the nursing programs. It is really aggravating me on how long its taking everybody because really they didn't have to do anything but check off stuff.. ughh. Yes, this blog is going to be nothing but me venting and relieving my stress. If you don't want to hear it (well read it is more like it) then I suggest you read another blog =( About work;; We have a NEW boss.. ok, shes nice, whatever. We are short staffed which mneans more work for brittany =( It gets soo tiring after awhile and maybe it would be better if I enjoyed it half as much as everyone else but for right now, it ain't happening. My brothers wedding is another disaster all within itself. Their wedding is estimated at 50,000 dollars (wtf,right? thats what i said!). Her family has money so it works for them but my family on the other hand.. not so much. Because of the money issue, everyone is stressed and arguing. Then on top of trying to keep them from fighting, I get kicked out of the wedding because I did not attend the wedding party. Sheeshhh! I am back in it now but thats ANOTHER long story.. lol. Yes, this blog has a point. The point is that I have a lot going on and I can not wait for it all to settle and work out... hopefully. Sorry for the complaining. I promise next time it will be more interesting ;P

My future awaits..

Today I went and discussed my choices for nursing. I distributed some more recommedations for the LPN and RN program.. got to keep my options open. So far (even though I was told I shouldn't) I think I might get into the LPN program and bridge over to the RN. I think I am going to have to do this anyway because my grades aren't the best for the RN program and I'm scared!! I think it may be to fast pace for me.. I am so scared I am going to get into it and then flunk out =( Whatever happens, I hope I get into something because if not.. I have NO clue what I am going to do in the meantime.

Realization

Friday night I spent some well-needed time with my mother. I have talked to her every day since my mawmaw has died but we haven't really discussed our feelings and Friday night was when we let it all out. I did not realize how much of my mawmaw was in my mother until that night. We sat infront of the fire place laughing, crying and sharing things with each other that we only talked about with "mawmaw" (her mother). It felt so great and it made me realize how I'm going to spend more time with my family and friends. Before I didn't want to be around my mom because I knew that seeing her would make me deal with my mawmaw's death but moments with your family and friends can heal wounds, not just time. I have a lot of things going on right now in my life but I want to stop making excuses of why I haven't spent time with my best friend or why I haven't called my parents. I want to embrace all the time I can with the people I have in my life now. It is true that you never know when someone's time is going to be over. My best friend's dad just died this past week. Out of the blue he had a massive heart attack. He was put in the hospital and then brought into an induced coma. When the doctors ran test on him they then established that he was brain dead. The family decided to "pull the plug" and shortly after their decision, the beat of his heart came to a stop. My best friend woke up that morning thinking that he would see his dad again and he did but not the way anyone would want to see their parent. He never got to say "goodbye" or "i love you" with his dad's awareness. Which brings me to this, life is a strange but beautiful experience that can end as quickly as it began. Everyone (including me) needs to take every moment for granted. When you're laughing so hard you cry, keep laughing. Cry until your eyes swell because atleast you can still feel and express emotion. Love until it hurts and then KEEP LOVING because in the end, it will be worth it. These moments make us. DON'T TAKE THEM FOR GRANTED.

UGHH!

So today has been a bad day && to top it all off.. I REALLY extremely miss my mawmaw.

Snow Day!

So it snowed today.. Woohooo, right? Not exactly. I had to drive to work this morning even though I couldnt even see the road and then once I got to work the supervisor called me and told me to go home. I was only there for a total of like 20mins. I was happy to be going home but.. WTF?! Anyways, today was the BEST day for being lazy. I laid around all day, watched some movies && slept. OOOO it was wonderful :) The snow was so beautiful! I was amazed that I didn't want to go out and play in it like everyone else.. I guess that means I'm getting older :( lol. For some reason, getting wet (from melted snow) in 20 degree weather isn't too exhilarating anymore. I had just as much fun watching it :) OH and I have snow cream for the first time, yummmm!! I suggest everyone should try it if they ever get the chance. (BTW, isn't this picture beautiful?! It's of Lake Tahoe, I found it on the web)

The Pregnancy Pact

I am watching the Pregnancy Pact on Lifetime.. got to love this tv station. Now, this movie is based on a TRUE story.. how disturbing?! Apparently, these teenage girls in Gloucester made a pact to get pregnant, for what reason? no clue. My question is why would you ever want to purposely conceive when you are 15 years old? I believe there is some psychological problem behind it. Possibly not getting enough attention from your family or something? At 15 you should be living your life, preparing for the future. When you have a child that young, your whole life is shoved out the window. Freedom, gone. Responsibility, definitely existent. I just don't understand why some teenage girls go through this. I will admit, I did go through a phase where I was like, "I WANT A BABY!!" but I never EVER thought about getting pregnant on purpose and of course my mother was like, "GET PREGNANT IF YOU WANT!!", lol. My mom got pregnant with my older brother at 14, accidentally, so I always heard how hard it was for her and my dad. They made it through of course and my brother turned out amazing but it wasn't easy for them. I just wish something could decrease pregnancy amongst teenage girls. I think it is a tragedy.. but for those who do it purposely, I think it is immature and ridiculous.

Jan. 22, 2010

I promised I would try to write at least once a week so... that is what I am doing. So right now I am watching a show on how the paranormal communicate with people, helping them pass along messages to the living and helping them see the future. Right now this guy is "reading" this woman's mind and taking a chance at stabbing himself in the hand with a knife. The world is filled with idiots. Of course I do believe that sometimes people can communicate with the dead but in this case... i don't know if i would test my skill that way. It makes me laugh really.. I do wish I could communicate with my mawmaw. I have sooo many questions for her. I know this is selfish but I want to know that she is here with me.. I know she is gone physically but it would made everything easier if I knew she was here spiritually. Maybe fixing all the things that could go wrong in my life. I passed out my recommendations, I gave two to 2 doctors I have worked with and 1 to my guidance counselor. I take my test March 29th and Im so excited but nervous. If I don't get into this program I dont know what i am going to do. I am going to apply to the LPN program too (PLEASE dont be mad cory!!) but its like a PLAN B. Im hoping of course I wont need a plan B but who knows what is going to happen.. the nursing program is VERY competitive. My best friend, Erika, was in the LPN program and she just withdrew the other day =( I felt bad for her but then again it is what she felt was right so I stood beside her. I believe she could have been a good nurse but psychologically, I don't thinks she could have handled it. She gets very emotional when she thinks of someone passing away or someone dying. Hopefully I won't have that problem. I understand that you have to separate personal life from work. I believe that I would feel sadness for the family but it wouldnt slow me down, I don't think that it would keep me from doing my job, from being a good nurse :) AHHH i want to be a nurse already!! HAHA. I'm sure my mentor, cory, is saying, "patience, grasshopper". Well until next week!! This show is grabbing my attention!

wut in the world...

We had the memorial for my grandmother.. horrible. I made my speech && just completely broke down.. it was the hardest thing i've ever had to do =( Me && josh broke up after three days of dating.. apparently he just "didn't feel a connection"?? That's ok because he is a mechanic and not a doctor.. I have standards ya know?? lol. I miss my grandma but I still feel that she is going to look after me. I'm gathering my recommendations for nursing school very soon && I am crossing my fingers!! I REALLY WANT THIS!! If it doesn't work out.. I have NO clue what to do. I have no plan B. But until then I will try to keep writing up here.. I don't have interesting things to discuss usually.. but i will try to post something atleast once a week.. GOODNIGHT =)